My Weight Loss Goal

For years I have struggled with a weight problem. I was chubby as a child, mainly because I loved food. That's a given huh? But see I was always putting something in my mouth, even if it wasn't food. Of course, toddlers do that. But see my Mom was in a restaurant business. She was part owner of one. Dad and I, would always get up and go with her to work, waiting for school to start. Now mind you I wasn't severely over weight, just chubby.

As I got older, it stuck with me. I wanted so bad to look like my cousins on my Dad's side. They were all skinny and popular. And although we were sort of close out of school, I always felt they were embarrassed by me in school. Although they would have never said so. Maybe it was just me. I was embarrassed of myself. To the point I failed gym, I didn't want to dress out in front of the others.

Then I made the mistake of working out with weights. Instead of losing weight, I gained muscle. Which made me feel more like a boy than a girl. So I gave up on that and began dancing. That's when I learn how much I love it.

I would dance late at night and lose weight so fast I didn't know what to think. Of course if I stopped the weight came back. So when I found out I was pregnant, you guessed it, the weight came back. I love my kids and wouldn't trade them for anything. So I have been trying to get back to weighing 148. That's the smallest I ever remember being. And to be only 5'2" even that still made me feel chubby. 

 I hate those BMI calculators, they make me feel like I have so much to lose. So I had to learn something. You can't focus on all of it at once. It took years to realize that.  I had to train myself to learn to be excited over losing my first 5 pounds. Don't sound like much, but when you have gained more weight than you ever had in your life, that 5 pounds can mean a lot.

 I'll keep posting so I help myself feel better, writing down my problems as well as my accomplishments. And although I don't want anyone to know how much I really weigh or anything, I know that until I learn to accept it myself and love myself for who I am, the depression will keep me from doing what I know needs to be done. So maybe you can help me lose weight. I know if I try to lose weight quickly, it will come back. So help me get to my weight goal, the right way.